


Left Alone

by wallflowerwriting



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-20 20:12:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15542091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallflowerwriting/pseuds/wallflowerwriting
Summary: Margot volunteers at Hyperion Hospital where she meets Tilly, a patient who suffers from occasional delusions that she is Alice in Wonderland. Margot visits everyday and a bond quickly develops between the two. Tilly sometimes gets confused and thinks Margot is someone she calls Robin. This leads Margot to question whether her visits are really beneficial to Tilly or causing more harm than good.





	1. Part 1

Margot wanted to leave as soon as she crossed the threshold into Hyperion Hospital. The air smelled antiseptic, unnaturally clean, like if you breathed too deeply you’d catch a whiff of the horrors beneath. Doctors had never made her squeamish. When she was a child, needles hadn’t bothered her. They weren’t her favorite thing but she wasn’t like other children who wailed in the waiting room and clung to their mother’s sleeve. One time when she was walking down the hall to the exam room, a little boy had darted by followed by his parents and a doctor with a needle in hand. This scene only further spooked the other kids in the waiting room but Margot forged on, head held high. Her mother followed behind, a smug look on her face as she cast condescending looks down on the other parents who couldn’t control their offspring.

  
Still she didn’t want to spend her time here. She preferred to be outdoors breathing in the fresh, clean air, and being among the animals and beauty of nature. She had been backpacking across Europe for the past six months. One of her favorite sayings was ‘Not all those who wander are lost.’ But if she was being honest, at least with herself, she was lost. Traveling for the sake of traveling was what she wanted to be doing, was what she had convinced her mother she was doing. In reality, she was seeking something. She didn’t know what, a purpose, a place, a person. Everywhere she went, everyone she met didn’t matter. It still felt like something was missing, something fundamental to her existence. She was incomplete and after all her seeking she was no closer to finding out what it was she needed.

  
Her mother had cut off her funding, which was why she now returned home. Her mother, Kelly, and her aunt, owned a bar in town. In addition, Kelly was a successful spin instructor. Money wasn’t the real issue. Margot knew her mother missed her. Their relationship had always been strained at best but Margot knew her mother loved her and would do anything for her.

  
She grudgingly returned but was determined to remain positive. She tended bar and was saving up her own money in order to continue her travels. Kelly suggested she become further involved in the community. Margot listened to H-town, a podcast about various town goings on. She joined an ultimate Frisbee team that Henry, creator of H-town, ran with some of his friends. Kelly suggested she do more. Why not volunteer? She said one day. They’re always looking for help down at the hospital. It was strange. Margot had never known her mother to volunteer or do anything that didn’t yield some benefit to her. But Kelly was adamant about it and her aunt even chimed in that it would be good for her.

  
That’s how Margot found herself looking at a map in Hyperion Hospital to figure out which way was the psych ward. They wanted visitors, companions for the patients, especially the ones who had no family. It was good for morale even if the patients weren’t completely aware of it.

  
Margot checked in at the front desk. She was given a volunteer sticker on which she wrote her name and affixed it to her shirt. A middle aged nurse led her down a hall to a patient’s room as she apologized. They were supposed to meet in the big common room but it had been a rough morning for her patient. She further explained that the patient’s name was Tilly. She was Margot’s age, had no family and no visitors in all the time she had been there. She suffered from delusions and often mumbled to herself and people who weren’t there. It was next to impossible to hold an actual conversation with her. She wasn’t violent although at times she became highly agitated. That morning had been one of those times. She had been kept segregated in her room so as not to rile up the other patients. She was given something to help her calm down and was doing better. The doctors decided it was okay for Margot to meet her today and the nurse assured her she had nothing to worry about.

  
They stopped before a door and the nurse punched a code into a keypad. It unlocked and she swung the door open. A girl stood there, hands on her hips, as she stared down at a stuffed rabbit. She wore white drawstring pants, white shirt, and slippers, all obviously hospital issued. She also had on a red flannel over the shirt. Her blonde hair was slightly wild and wavy except for a braid on the right side. Margot hated to admit it but she was surprised how beautiful the girl was. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting but this wasn’t it.

  
“Tilly, you have a visitor.” The nurse said.

  
“He knows the way but he won’t tell me.” Tilly said apparently talking about the rabbit.

  
“Tilly.” The nurse approached her and put a gentle hand on her arm. This got the girl’s attention and she looked from the rabbit to the nurse and finally her eyes settled on Margot, still standing in the doorway.

  
Recognition came to her eyes. “Robin.” She whispered and it came out almost like a question.

  
“No, this is Margot.” The nurse said her name slow and loud as if Tilly were hard of hearing. The recognition left Tilly’s eyes and she went back to glaring at the rabbit. “Perhaps you remind her of someone from her past, dear. Maybe a sister.” The nurse said to Margot, then turned back to Tilly. “Would you like to spend some time with Mar-got?” Again slow and loud. “You can show her what you’ve been working on.”

  
“He stays here. He’s being very naughty today.” Tilly shook her head dismissively at the rabbit, passed by Margot without a glance, and waited in the hallway.

  
The nurse led them to a big open room. Opposite the entrance were big windows and glass doors leading out to a lawn. Lots of sunlight streamed in giving it a bright and cheery feel. Patients sat at tables or on couches. Some talked to visitors. Some played games together. Others merely sat there staring into space. The nurse stopped at a table with a puzzle on it. The border was put together and some middle pieces but it was far from complete.

  
“This is Tilly’s current project.” The nurse said as Tilly leaned on the table looking down at the pieces. She moved them around, picked one up, stared at it a few seconds, then fit it neatly into its spot. She moved around to the other side of the table and continued to pick through pieces. “She loves puzzles. They keep her quiet for hours. I’ve lost track of how many she’s completed since she’s been here. When we first discovered how much she liked them, unfortunately that first puzzle had been here for years and was missing pieces. Sent poor Tilly into a fit when she couldn’t finish it. Now when she’s close to completing one, the nurses take turns buying her a new one.” The nurse explained to Margot, looking fondly at Tilly. “You can sit.” She nodded toward a chair. “Help out if you feel inclined or you could talk to her although on days like today it’s a bit like talking to yourself, I’m afraid. Just keep her company. The nurses station is right over there if you need anything.” She pointed and then walked away toward it leaving Margot alone with Tilly at the table.

 

She watched the girl sort some pieces, study others. Whenever she fit one in, she smiled to herself.

  
“So you like puzzles?” Margot asked. She felt silly. The nurse had just told her it wasn’t likely she would get an answer and Margot wasn’t even sure if the words would register to Tilly, but the girl heard.

  
“Oh yes. If I can just get all the little pieces right, I’ll be able to see the big picture. It all makes sense once you can see the big picture.” While Tilly talked, she continued to move pieces about.

  
Margot had to agree with that. If only she could see the big picture of her life, the real meaning, then she would know what to do, would know what actions would satisfy this longing for something unknown inside of her.

  
She stayed silent through most of that first visit. She offered occasional comments. Some of which Tilly even answered. Mostly she just watched her work, watched as the empty space inside the border became less so with each piece Tilly fitted together.

  
After a few hours, visiting time was over. Margot was surprised how quickly it had passed. Still she was unsure whether she would return. What good was she actually doing for Tilly? She wasn’t even sure if the girl was aware she had been there. But when the nurse came back to collect Tilly, she looked right into Margot’s eyes.

  
“I had a lovely time with you.” She said and her blue eyes shined and looked so genuine that Margot knew she would be back.

  
“Me too. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said and Tilly offered her a meek little smile as she filed out with the other patients.

  
Margot went to the hospital every day for two weeks before there was a change. She sat and watched Tilly sort and fit pieces together occasionally offering a comment or asking a question even though she got little to no response.

  
Then one day she signed in at the nurses’ station and one mentioned that Tilly was having one of her good days. Margot had yet to see a good day. She’d seen okay days mostly, one day where Tilly had a fit and smashed what she had assembled of the puzzle on the ground because no one would listen to her. The next day had been a subdued, nearly catatonic day. Tilly sat and only stared at all the pieces on the table. Margot took it upon herself to try and rebuild what Tilly had put together before her outburst.

  
She didn’t know what to expect but when she walked over to the table the scene looks just as it had on all those okay days. Tilly leaned over the table and picked pieces up to look at and fit some together. As Margot drew nearer though, Tilly looked up and smiled at her.

  
“Good morning, Margot.” She said. It’s the first time she’s directly addressed Margot since she said goodbye on the first day.

  
Margot offered her own good morning and sat. Then Tilly began to talk, not her offhand nonsense comments that she usually says but real conversation with Margot. She asked lots of questions about Margot’s life, wanted to know every little detail, and admitted she doesn’t remember much of her own before the hospital. She seems fascinated by it all, the mundane stories about Margot’s school days and the exciting stories about her travels.

  
Before Margot knew it, visiting time was over. Every day after that she notices herself holding her breath when she walks over to the table but every time Tilly says good morning she feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest. They pick up where they left off the day before.

  
One day they’re sitting next to each other grouping pieces together by color when Tilly pauses to look at Margot’s arm.

  
“You wear a lot of bracelets.” She observed, eyes traveling over each one.

  
“One from every country I’ve been to.”

  
“Where’s this one from?” Tilly laid a gentle finger on one at random.

  
“Thailand. I spent two weeks there. On one of the islands I visited I got to feed monkeys watermelon. They come right up to you; they’re so cute. I also went to an elephant sanctuary. My group helped give one a mud bath to cool down and the wash off in the river. At night there were so many colored lights and music it was beautiful under a sky full of stars.  
“I wish I could see it.” Tilly went back from watching Margot to pushing pieces around.

  
That night Margot stopped by the library to print some pictures and pick up a book about Thailand. She packed them all into her bag for the next day and finds she has a hard time falling asleep. She felt excited, the same kind of excitement she used to feel the night before she would leave for a new destination.

  
She walked into the day room and pauses to watch Tilly for a moment. The girls looked lost in thought from her position leaning over the table, staring down at the puzzle. She looked from the picture on the box to the pile of red pieces she and Margot had sorted the previous day. All of a sudden she selected a handful and built a flower from them, which she attached to the bottom right corner. She stood up straight, hands on her hips, and studied her work proudly, her smile bright and beaming.

  
Margot felt her heart skip a beat at how beautiful Tilly looked. She’d never felt this way about anyone before and yet there is a familiarity to it. Tilly must’ve felt Margot’s eyes on her because she looked over and Margot found that smile directed at her. Margot forgot how to breathe for a second, had to look down to compose herself, before returning the smile and sitting down at the table. She held her bag against her chest protectively, feeling uncharacteristically nervous.

  
“What’cha got there?” Tilly sat in the seat next to Margot and flicked at one of the bag’s straps.

  
“I know it’s not the same as going there yourself but I thought this would help you get more of a feel for the place.” Margot pulled out the travel book on Thailand and her stack of pictures.

  
They spent the rest of the day looking through pictures and reading facts about the country. Margot left them with Tilly when visiting time is over. The next day Tilly handed the book and pictures back to Margot.

  
“Thank you. I was so immersed in it all, I could almost forget where I really am. I wish I could go there someday. See it for myself, big as life.” She looked wistfully down at the cover of the book.

  
“You will someday. We can go together. I’ll show you all my favorite places. We can even discover some new ones.” Margot wished this were true as much as Tilly did even though both of them know it’s probably not. Margot could tell Tilly didn’t believe it by her smile. It was small, almost indulgent, the smile of a parent to a child who just told them, they’re going to fly to the moon. It says, it’s nice that you’re dreaming but I know it won’t happen.

  
“Someday it is.” Tilly nodded in agreement. “Until then, can I keep this?” She picked up the top picture from the stack. In it Margot sits in a boat with a monkey in front of her. She’s offering them a piece of watermelon and they have a hand on it in acceptance.

  
“Of course. But first…” Margot pulled a black sharpie out of her bag and writes Thailand across the bottom border. “You didn’t think there was only one stop on this trip, did you?” She stuck out the arm with the bracelets to Tilly and used the other one to cover her eyes. “Please pick the next destination, madam.” She wiggled her arm for emphasis. When Tilly did, Margot looks to see where they’re going next. While she did, Tilly picked up the sharpie and wrote, M-A-R-G-O underneath Thailand.

  
“In case I get confused.” She said sheepishly.

  
“It’s Margot with a T.”

  
“Targo?” Tilly asked her brow furrowed in confusion.

  
“Other end.” Margot clarified and adds the T.

  
One day Tilly’s was flipping through Margot’s pictures from Amsterdam when Margot said, “I won’t be able to visit tomorrow.”

  
This stopped Tilly cold. In the last two months since Margot started visiting, she hadn’t missed one day.

  
“Okay.” Tilly responded and continued looking at the pictures.

  
An uncomfortable silence descended on them. Tilly didn’t ask but Margot felt the needs to explain anyway.

  
“I’m going on a date.” She waited but didn’t notice any visible reaction from Tilly so she continued. “I would have tried to have it at a different time but we both work at night and she takes classes in the morning.” Tilly remained silent, eyes still fixed on the pictures. “I don’t even really want to go but she’s a friend of Henry’s and he set it up and I’ve already canceled a couple times and…” Margot trailed off when she realized she’s rambling.

  
“It’s okay. You don’t owe me an explanation. You’ve already done more for me than I could’ve ever expected from anyone.” Tilly responded, still not looking at Margot. Margot finds this last part so sad she reached a hand out to lay on Tilly’s wrist.

  
“You deserve everything I’ve done and a whole lot more.”

  
“Try saying that to me again when I’m having one of my bad days.” Tilly turned her head and offered a small smile trying to play it off but Margot wouldn’t let her.

  
“You deserve the world on all the days.” She slid her hand down and grabbed Tilly’s hand. “I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. We still have so many more places to go.” She smiled at Tilly and this time Tilly met her eyes and offered a happy one of her own back.

  
“So after high school I left New York to the follow the guy I was seeing at the time to Seattle. He was a guitar player in this band that thought they were going to bring grunge back in a big way. Real Nirvana wannabes. Approximately two seconds after we moved, he slept with some chick who threw her bra onstage at their first show. So I left him and moved to Hyperion Heights…”

  
Margot took a sip of her beer as she watched the girl ramble on and on. She couldn’t remember ever getting such an extensive answer to the request ‘tell me about yourself.’ Margot, herself, hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words. She found she mostly just smiled and nodded along. Jasmine was pretty as Henry had said with her mane of wild looking, curly, brown. Her hazel eyes sparkled. She genuinely enjoyed telling her story but Margot found it hard to pay attention. Instead she found her mind wandering in one clear direction…towards Tilly.

  
She didn’t want to think about the girl. She wanted to give Jasmine a fair chance but it was involuntary. Jasmine had picked the restaurant, a Mexican place not far from the bar. Margot passed by it every day but had never eaten there. She thought Tilly would like it. She watched as a waitress brought over a plate of fajitas to another table. The plate sizzled as the waitress warned not to touch it. She could smell the peppers and onions grilling. If she brought Tilly here that would be what she ordered. Margot was almost certain. It was kind of an exciting dish, served with some assembly required. Tilly would get a kick out of it.

  
Jasmine stopped talking to take a bite of her quesadillas. She noticed Margot hadn’t moved and was only staring down at her food.

  
“Is everything okay?” She asked.

  
It wasn’t. It was unfair. Margot imagining being on a date with somebody else. The waitress returned to see if they needed anything.

  
“Yes, a box for this.” Margot said indicating her untouched food. “I’m so sorry but I just remembered I have some place I need to be.” She left enough money to cover the whole bill, grabbed her food, and left. She would never hear from Jasmine again and Henry would probably yell at her but that would all happen later. What mattered now was that Margot was on her way to see Tilly.

  
Before she entered the hospital, Margot popped a piece of gum in her mouth. Although she had only drank half a beer, she didn’t want the nurses to smell it on her. When she checked in at the nurses’ station, they were surprised to see her. Tilly had been down and mopey and they all knew it was because Margot wouldn’t be visiting.

  
“Couldn’t stay away?” One nurse asked with a wink at Margot.

  
Margot watched Tilly as she approached their usual table. Tilly was moving pieces around but she wasn’t as animated as she usually was.

  
“Hey.” Margot said softly. “I brought lunch.” She put the box down on the table and watched as Tilly’s eyes moved from her face to the box and back again, surprise and confusion evident in them.

  
“I thought you had a date.” Tilly said not really trusting the scene in front of her.

  
“I did. But I realized there was somewhere else I’d rather be and someone else I’d rather be with.”

  
Ever since her date with Jasmine, Margot couldn’t stop imagining what it would be like to do all kinds of ordinary things with Tilly. The girl hadn’t been out of the hospital in years and that seemed so sad to Margot. She began to come up with a plan. The first step was to come up with a destination. Margot thought she had a pretty good one in mind. The second was to get clearance from Tilly’s doctors and nurses. This part wouldn’t be so easy. Tilly hadn’t been out of the hospital since she first became a patient. Moreover it wasn’t easy to tell what would set her off. Little stimulants could turn a good day into a bad one. Not to mention the fact that Tilly had been having a heretofore undocumented stretch of good days. It was as if everyone, including Margot, was holding their breaths for when the tide would change.

  
The head nurse listened to Margot’s plan and was a bit hesitant at the fact that the girls would need to take a train to their destination but when she heard the name of where they were going, she put her foot down.

  
“Absolutely not. You can’t take her there.” The nurse was incredulous.

  
“It could be good for Tilly. Maybe it’ll even aid her recovery.” Margot argued.

  
“You’ve been visiting for a couple months and now you think you know more than the doctors what’s best for Tilly.” Margot opened her mouth to interrupt but the nurse held up her hand to stop her. “I heard you out, now you will listen to me. I could perhaps see taking Tilly to a nearby coffee shop for a brief break from the hospital and maybe at a later date we can discuss just such a trip but I don’t know how what you are proposing can be allowed. What if Tilly has a fit? What if she starts talking to people who aren’t there? What if she tries to run away? What if she doesn’t recognize you? There are too many things that can go wrong that I don’t think you are prepared to handle.”

  
“I can handle Tilly.” Margot said through gritted teeth. This conversation was bringing up memories of sitting in the principal’s office on the receiving end of one of Mother Superior’s speeches.

  
The nurse’s face softened its stern expression at Margot’s comment. “I know you want that to be true and I’m not saying this to spoil anyone’s fun. I’m just being practical. I also care about Tilly a great deal. I’d be lying if I said that since you started visiting I haven’t seen any improvement. I think you’ve been good for Tilly but I don’t think this trip would be. I don’t have the final say on the matter anyway. I will take your request and my concerns up with the doctor and he will decide what is best for Tilly.” It was clear the nurse was done discussing it with Margot.

  
It was another week before Margot got her answer. She checked in at the nurses’ station as usual but was pulled aside by Tilly’s doctor. Dr. Whale was a man in his thirties. His hair was dyed a platinum blond and his skin was so pale it was almost translucent. He wasn’t what came to mind when Margot had pictured what Tilly’s doctor had looked like. He had a morose and distracted demeanor as if his mind was someplace else.

  
“Good to finally meet you.” He offered Margot his hand to shake and it was cold. How cliché Margot thought. He led her down the hall to his office. He sat behind his desk and fiddled with a snow globe that sat on top of a stack of papers. “The nurse has informed me you visit Tilly daily. I think that your company has led to some improvement in Tilly’s mental state. On that fact the nurse and I agree however about your proposed trip we do not. I believe the trip would be good for Tilly to get out of this environment, to be among the world, to be normal for a bit, for lack of a better word. On the matter of your destination I also think it would be good for Tilly. Perhaps it will help her come to grips with reality and fight the fantasies she sometimes gets lost in. You’ll have to tell Tilly in advance. Can’t just spring it on her. She’ll need a few days to sit with it. She hasn’t been on the outside in eight years. I’m going to give you my direct line. Call or text if anything seems off. I hope this will help Tilly but it’s difficult to say for sure. Any questions for me?” Dr. Whale finished pre-written speech. He seemed to want to be done as quickly as possible. Margot had no questions. She was eager to go tell Tilly the good news.


	2. Part 2

The day came one week later. Tilly stood waiting for Margot at the nurses’ station. She wore her usual red flannel but instead of hospital issued whites underneath she had a black tank top layered over a white one. She also wore a suede skirt and underneath black leggings that had holes in the knees. They were the only clothes she had. Margot had offered to bring her something but Tilly declined. She needed to wear her own clothes, needed the reminder of who she was, or she was apt to become confused.

  
If there was ever a time Tilly didn’t want to become confused it was today. Not only did she not want Margot to see her like that but also she knew this day was a test, not Margot’s test but the doctor’s. If she could get through it without incident, maybe that meant she was getting better. Maybe she would be able to go out more and move towards a life outside of the hospital. Today was important for so many reasons.

  
Margot picked her up and they exited the hospital. Tilly’s steps were slow and hesitant. At any moment she expected orderlies to stop her. Earlier on in her stay she had tried to escape multiple times. She remembered anxiety filled nights waiting in her bed as the nurse made a check, listening for the sounds of receding footsteps, counting to sixty seconds in her head. Then sneaking out of bed, a mad dash through the corridors searching for an exit but always getting discovered before she could find one. Margot must have sensed her trepidation because she offered Tilly her arm, which Tilly gladly looped her own through.

  
Just a few more steps and the automatic doors parted and they were outside. Tilly paused on the sidewalk, closed her eyes to feel the wind on her face and take a deep breath. There was an outside garden the patients were allowed to be taken by nurses and visitors but Tilly wasn’t a big fan. Even thought it was outside, she was still aware of her confinement. Here the air felt different to her, free.

  
They started their walk down the street. Tilly took in everything with wide eyes. She offered a smile to every person that passed and not one of them seemed to know who she was or where she was from.

  
Margot led her into a small café/bookstore. Pop and pop owned Margot told her with a bright smile. She ordered a latte and Tilly got a hot chocolate. She wasn’t supposed to have caffeine. It would make her too jittery. She remembered trying it once long ago and she didn’t like the bitter taste anyway. The shop was pleasant. Outside there was a nip in the air and the sky was overcast, threatening rain at any moment. Inside the air was warm; it felt cozy and inviting. It smelled of coffee and pastries. Tilly eyed the various treats and Margot noticing, ordered a chocolate croissant for the girls to share. In her many visits to the hospital, Margot had discovered Tilly had quite the sweet tooth. They found a table in the back corner, perfect for people watching. Others sat reading or on laptops or talking and nobody gave a second glance at Tilly. She still marveled at the fact that no one could tell.

  
“This is only the first stop.” Margot informed Tilly as they sipped their beverages. She had told Tilly they were going to be allowed a trip outside the hospital, as per the doctors and nurses rule, but hadn’t divulged all the details. “We have some time to kill before the train leaves and this is one of my favorite places to go in the Heights.”

  
“I’ve never been on a train.” Tilly’s eyes lit up at the prospect.

  
“Really? I assumed you had because…” Margot trailed off thinking that her reasoning was obvious.

  
“Because?” Tilly questioned.

  
“You’re from England?” Margot meant it as a statement but it came out sounding like a question. Tilly only looked at her quizzically. “You’re accent. Is English. So I assumed…anyway people travel a lot by train there so that’s why I was surprised.”

  
“England.” Tilly said, thinking. “I don’t know. I guess I could be from there. I don’t remember. Maybe I have been on a train before but it doesn’t feel…right.” She finished not quite sure if that was the correct word.

  
Tilly asked if Margot had ever been to England and Margot said surprisingly she had not. She wasn’t sure why. It was high up on her list of places she wanted to visit and there was no language barrier like with other destinations. Tilly suggested that be the first place they visit together and Margot agreed. She liked the idea very much.

  
When it was time to leave, Tilly excused herself to use the bathroom and when she came back Margot wasn’t waiting for her at the table. Her heart began to race as she scanned the faces at all the tables. Before panic could really set it, Margot walked back to the table from the front of the store. Noticing the upset look on Tilly’s face she apologized but didn’t offer any explanation for where she had gone. Again she offered Tilly her arm, which Tilly gladly looped hers through as her heart slowed down to a more normal rhythm.

  
Out on the street once again, it had begun to drizzle. Margot and Tilly tried to stay close to the buildings to avoid getting wet as they made their way underground to the train stop. Beneath the surface the air felt stale. Hyperion Heights wasn’t a major destination so there were few people at this stop. Not much time passed before the train roared in with a wind that caused Margot and Tilly’s hair to whip about their heads. They easily found seats and Tilly asked where they were going. It was a secret, Margot replied mischievously.

  
As they approached each stop a mechanical voice announced the name of it. Every time Tilly looked at Margot but she shook her head, the same smile on her face. Finally the voice announced their stop, Wonderland. This time when Tilly looked at Margot, her mouth hung open slightly in surprise. Margot tried to read Tilly’s face for any sign of a bad reaction. But the girl remained looking at her expectantly.

  
“I figured Alice in Wonderland must have been an important story to you as a child since you have a stuffed white rabbit doll and…” She didn’t say why else out loud but both girls knew the end of that sentence, ‘since you sometimes think you’re Alice.’ “The nurse thought it might be bad to take you here but you’ve been doing so good I thought you’d like to see Wonderland or at least a version of it that was important to me as a child.” Margot continued.

  
“Wonderland.” Tilly said dreamily. She was Tilly with Margot on a train that came from Hyperion Heights and now they were going to see Wonderland. She wasn’t Alice. She wasn’t from Wonderland. She knew this. She didn’t know where she was from but it wasn’t from a fairy tale. She was Tilly. “That’s lovely. I can’t wait to see Wonderland.” She was okay.

  
Tilly and Margot were among only a few people who got off at the stop instead of switching over to a different train. The people who did get off walked the opposite way from where Margot was leading them. Tilly couldn’t understand why. The rain had stopped or they had gone so far it hadn’t rained at all. Tilly wasn’t sure which. Finally they came to a huge building with steps leading up to the main entrance. It was abandoned. There was not another person around. The roof and doors were painted green and it was peeled and chipped in great chunks. The white walls were grimy and covered with graffiti. Tilly was even more confused than ever as she looked up at the structure.

  
“There’s a track in the back. They used to race horses here before it was shut down. I spent every Saturday here. My dad was a trainer. He passed away when I was a baby but my mother still liked to bring me here. It was where they met. Mom liked to bet occasionally. I always felt closer to my dad when I was here. My aunt, Roni, also dated one of the owners of this place so she was always here too. I was kind of lonely. I was the only kid, no siblings, and aunt Roni didn’t have any children, so no cousins. Occasionally one of the gambles would bring a kid or grandkid and I would have someone to play with for the day. Most of the time it was just me and all the adults though. When the races took off, I didn’t mind. I used to love watching the horses run and hated all the jockeys that used whips. In addition to owning the track, my aunt’s girlfriend owned horses too. Roni would take me to the stables and teach me how to ride. She said I was a natural just like my dad.” Margot had seemed lost in thought as she told Tilly this story and Tilly who always loved listening to Margot was glad she shared this with her.  
“What do you think? Should we go explore?” Margot asked bringing them back to the moment.

  
“Race you to the top.” Tilly said in answer and took off up the stairs leaving Margot to catch up.

  
Tilly tripped over the uneven flooring but caught herself before she could fall to the floor. Lucky, she thought, the floors were cement and it probably would’ve hurt a great deal.

  
“You okay?” Margot asked as she reached out a hand to steady Tilly.

  
“Yeah. This place sort of has a…” She didn’t want to offend Margot. She looked around. The floors were also painted dark green and heavily chipped, matching the outside. Metal chairs were bolted down in rows facing television screens, one big one in the middle flanked by eight smaller ones, four on each side. The equipment was necessary but not nice. The room smelled of stale smoke. Even after being closed for years, it was an undercurrent in the air.

  
“Rundown feel. You can say it. Even back when this place was open and hundreds of people came every day, it felt like that. As long as gamblers can bet, they don’t notice much else. I always thought it was part of its charm.” Margot took her on a quick tour of the inside and then to the glass doors leading to the outside. “This is where I spent most of my time.” Margot indicated as they looked out. Metal benches and tables with chairs were scattered around. In the center was the track. “I always liked to be outside more and out here you could watch the horses run in person rather than on a dingy screen. Sometimes I still come here and walk around the track. The first time I did, I was so nervous. Even though this place hadn’t been used in years, it was ingrained in my brain that I was never to step foot on the track. You ready for the next part of your surprise?” Margot asked as she led the way to the stables.

  
Inside was Margot’s aunt, Roni and a chestnut horse she was brushing. Margot introduced everyone, including the horse who’s name was Oscar.

  
“It’s wonderful to meet you. Margot has told me so much about you.” Roni greeted Tilly. “She’s had fun planning this trip. I’m just glad I could help and that I’m on good terms with my ex. I’d much rather have you girls here officially rather than sneaking in like Margot usually does and thinks her mom and I don’t know.” Roni’s voice started out friendly but got stern at this last part.

  
“I’m a grown up. I’ve traveled the world, aunt Roni. You can’t reprimand me.”

  
Roni pursed her lips and her expression said ‘we’ll see about that,’ but she dropped it for now.

  
“Have you ever ridden before, Tilly?” Roni asked. While Roni and Margot were having their little exchange, Tilly had wandered over to pet the horse.

  
“I don’t know. I can’t really remember but for some reason I feel like I have.”

  
“I have that same feeling. I think you have.” Roni agreed. “But Margot will take care of you. She’s been riding since she was little. Just as skilled as her father.” Roni added with a faraway look in her eyes. “Anyway let’s get everything ready for your ride.”

  
The hardest part for Tilly was getting on the horse. Whereas Margot hoisted herself up and onto the horse with ease, Tilly wasn’t so graceful. It took help from the two other women to get Tilly positioned behind Margot. Once she was seated there she felt at ease though. A feeling of familiarity hit her like a strong sense of déjà vu, not just for riding a horse but for riding like this with Margot. Roni excused herself to go clean up in the stable leaving the girls alone. Margot let the horse trot leisurely down the track.

  
Margot was very aware of Tilly’s arms wrapped around her waist and Tilly’s front pressed against her back. This place, riding a horse were all important to Margot. She hadn’t been lying about that but she would be lying if she said that she hadn’t thought about this moment, this contact with Tilly partly as motivation to bring her here. She had made sure Tilly was comfortable with it. She told her if she wanted, Roni and her would help her to learn to ride one her own but Tilly had wanted to ride with Margot, wanted to as much as Margot wanted to ride with Tilly, Margot hoped.

  
They trotted around for a while. Margot would occasionally spur the horse on which would cause Tilly to tighten her hold and laugh in delight. When they were finished, Roni led the horse back to the stables and Margot led Tilly to a blanket and picnic basket Roni had left for them. They laid down and watched the clouds float by in the sky.

  
“Thank you for today.” Tilly said. Her eyes were fixed on a cloud that to her looked just like Oscar.

  
“No problem. It was just as much for me.” Margot admitted, propping herself on her elbow so she could look at Tilly. “I just wish we didn’t have to leave so soon.”

  
Tilly turned her head to look at Margot. She had started to say something but the words caught in her throat as soon as she saw Margot, who unbeknownst to Tilly had taken off her glasses.

  
“Robin?” She asked in confusion as she stood up. “Where are we Robin? This isn’t home.” She spun around a few times to survey her surroundings and then her eyes settled back on Margot, who was now standing as well and watching Tilly carefully. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Where have you been? Where have I been?”

  
Margot had been moving closer and now reached out towards the girl. “Tilly, everything is…”

  
“Alice!” Tilly screamed out. “My name is Alice. Don’t you remember me?” Her voice broke on these last words and hurt filled her eyes as she looked at Margot.

  
“Of course I remember you.” Margot had to think of a way to keep Tilly calm and get her back to the hospital.

  
“Then say my name. Tell me you love me like I know you do. Act like you’re happy to see me, not afraid, or else how can I believe it’s you and not some trick.” Tilly was crying at this point, tears rolling down her face.

  
“I am happy to see you, Alice. It’s just not safe here. We have to get home. Let’s go find my aunt. She’ll help us.” Margot was careful not say Roni. She had no idea who Tilly thought Roni was.

  
“Regina’s here? That does make me feel better.” Tilly had calmed down a bit and stopped crying.

  
“Yes and she always knows what to do.” Margot held out her hand to Tilly who gladly accepted it. Together they walked towards the stables.

  
When they arrived, Roni listened attentively. She nodded along as if she understood.

  
“I think it’s another curse.” Tilly proposed.

  
“Yes. We’ve all been cursed.” Roni agreed. “But only some of us know and we have to be very careful who we tell.” Roni promised to take them home where they would further discuss what to do.

  
While Roni drove, Tilly snuggled up to Margot’s side in the backseat. She laid her head on Margot’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

  
“I feel like I’ve been lost and wandering around in total darkness for months and months. I was so scared I’d never see you again.”

  
“Me too.” Margot said, tears filling her eyes now. She shared a pointed look with Roni in the rearview mirror.

  
The closer they got to the hospital, the worse Margot felt. She knew it was best for Tilly but Tilly in the state she was in now, wouldn’t understand that. She would be furious and feel betrayed. It felt like Margot’s heart was breaking when she thought about doing that to the girl but there were no other options.

  
Margot texted Dr. Whale about the situation. He assured her that orderlies would meet them at the entrance to the hospital to escort Tilly. In the state she was in, they considered Tilly to be a flight risk.

  
Roni pulled up to the hospital and double parked to get as close as possible. She waved at the two orderlies who stood on either side of the entrance. Tilly who had been dozing was awoken by the car stopping.

  
“Are we home?” She mumbled as she wiped her eyes. She looked out the window and immediately recognized the hospital and the approaching orderlies. She saw Roni talking to them but couldn’t hear what she was saying. “Your aunt’s still cursed, Robin. We have to go.” Tilly reached over Margot to open the door that was closest to the street but Margot held Tilly’s hand to stop her.

  
“Tilly, you have to go back to the hospital. We all just want you to get better and they’ll help you. You were doing so well before. Before I…I’m sorry.” Margot had started to cry and she could see matching tears running down Tilly’s face, as she shook her head no repeatedly, not wanting to hear Margot’s words.

  
“You said you remembered me. You tricked me.” Realization dawned on Tilly. “Robin, you’re still cursed. We can figure this out together but I won’t be able to help you if I’m stuck in there. Don’t you trust me?” Tilly asked but she could tell from Margot’s face she wasn’t getting through.

  
“I trust you but you’re not you right now. Your mind is playing tricks on you.”

  
One of the orderlies opened the back door closest to the sidewalk and hospital. “It’s time to come with us now Tilly. We’re going to help you.”

  
Tilly was stuck between Margot and the orderly. She looked from one to the other, the look of a trapped animal on her face. She scrambled over the center console into the front seat and exited the driver’s side door but Roni was there and she grabbed Tilly from behind.

  
“Stop! We only want what’s best for you.” Roni managed to get out as she struggled to hold the girl. Tilly thrashed and threw her elbow back connecting with Roni’s nose. This caused Roni to let her go but the delay in her escape allowed the orderlies to get close. She turned to run but smacked into one of them. He grabbed her and whereas she could struggle in Roni’s grasp, his was like an iron vise, affording her no movement.

  
The other orderly joined him and the two carried her into the hospital while she yelled, “Robin! I’ll come back for you. I love you.” Then the three of them disappeared behind the hospital doors.

  
Margot checked on Roni who was holding her bloody nose. “Let’s move the car so you don’t get a ticket. Then we’ll have your nose checked out while we’re here.” Margot got into the driver’s side.

  
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Roni winced, speaking aggravated her injured nose.

  
“No. I can’t right now.” Margot needed time to process. She felt exhausted.

  
After Roni got bandaged and assured that her nose was not broken, Margot went to the psych word to check on Tilly. At the nurses’ station, they told her Tilly had to be sedated and was asleep. The head nurse wanted to talk to Margot to go over what happened. She wore an ‘I told you so’ looking expression but Margot assured her it wasn’t the location that had set Tilly off.

  
“It was me. I took my glasses off and when she looked at me she called me Robin. Just like she did that first day.” Margot remembered.

  
“Perhaps it was everything compounded. Being outside again after so long being kept away, the name of the place, your obvious resemblance to someone from Tilly’s past. I’m sure it wasn’t you alone.” The nurse tried to comfort Margot. “When Tilly wakes up, we’ll further assess the situation. As for you, go home. Get some rest. You’ve had a very trying day.”

  
Margot wanted to stay to see Tilly but realized not only would she probably not be allowed but also it would be bad for Tilly. The latter upset her way more. What else could she do though? She went home.

  
Margot continued to go to the hospital every day but now she wasn’t allowed to see Tilly. The nurse gave her updates on Tilly’s progress. She went everyday for two weeks and then she made a decision.

  
Margot checked her bank account. She had the money she needed to make her next trip, had more than she needed. She realized she had been staying in Hyperion Heights for Tilly and for what had been happening between them. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good. The more Margot thought about it the more manipulative she felt. Had she been taking advantage of Tilly’s feelings for someone in her past? Someone who it couldn’t have ended well with. If Tilly was going to get better, it wasn’t going to with Margot.

  
Margot packed her things and said goodbye to everyone. She had a little get together at the bar, a small going away party. That night she barely slept. She was leaving the next day and she couldn’t stop debating whether or not to try to see Tilly one final time and if she was allowed to whether it would do more harm than good.

  
The next morning she woke up resolute. She was going to the hospital. She would see Tilly and say goodbye. She had written a letter last night, partly to get her thoughts in order about what she wanted to say to Tilly and partly in case she wasn’t allowed to see the girl. If they wouldn’t let her see Tilly, she would leave the letter and then it would be out of her hands and she could move on with the next part of her life.

  
The nurse explained Tilly was doing well. She was back to functioning how she had been before their day trip. She was reluctant to let Margot see her but when Margot told her she was leaving the nurse acquiesced. She would allow Margot to see Tilly as long as Margot agreed to be careful, probably best not to bring up the incident. The nurse led her down the hall and knocked on Tilly’s door before letting herself in.

  
Margot braced herself for an adverse reaction from Tilly. Even if Margot said nothing, she feared her face could still trigger Tilly. When Tilly’s blue eyes landed on Margot though she smiled and said, “Margot, so good of you to visit again.” This seemed to satisfy the nurse who left the room although she did leave the door open.

  
When they were alone, Tilly began by apologizing. “I’m sorry about my behavior the other day. I don’t know what came over me. Doc says it may have been too much stimulation.”

  
“I should be the one apologizing. It was too much too soon. I just wanted you to have an adventure.” Margot sat at the foot of Tilly’s bed while Tilly sat with her legs crisscrossed at the head.

  
“Well, I certainly did.” Tilly said with a little laugh. Margot began to chuckle too and pretty soon the girls were in hysterics, laughing so hard tears leaked out from their eyes. It was the absurdity of the situation and their nerves bubbling over.

  
When they calmed down, a silence stretched between them. Margot tried to figure out a way to break the news of her trip to Tilly delicately. In the end she blurted out, “I’m leaving for Tibet. My flight is in a few hours.”

  
Tilly took the news in stride. She had a feeling something like this would happen sooner or later. “That’s wonderful,” was all she could manage to say.

  
“Yeah. It’s for the best. I don’t think the nurses are too keen on me visiting anymore. I also don’t think I’m good for you. For whatever reason, something about me agitates something in you.”

  
Tilly opened her mouth to protest but found she couldn’t. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Margot was right. There was a lot Tilly didn’t understand about herself and until she did, if ever, things with Margot couldn’t progress.

  
She scooted down the bed next to Margot. “That may be true but the time we spent together has been the best time of my life, what I can remember of it anyway.”

  
“Mine too. Even though I remember my life and all the places I’ve been, meeting you has been my favorite adventure.” She pulled a bracelet from her shirt pocket. “I got this for you at the café, like mine.” Margot tied it around Tilly’s wrist and their fingers brushed as she pulled her hand back. She reached up with her other hand to caress Tilly’s cheek. Her eyes wandered from Tilly’s tear-filled eyes to her full lips. This might be the only chance she got to do what she most wanted to and she wasn’t about to waste it.

  
“Can I?” Margot asked at the same time Tilly whispered, “Kiss me.”

  
When their lips met, everything changed. All the memories came rushing back in, the moment they met, the moment the curse began as they were ripped away from each other even as they clung together, and every moment in between.

  
Robin pulled back to look at Alice. “Alice.” She said finally recognizing her.

  
“Robin, I fought so hard to hold on to myself, to us. I’m sorry I couldn’t get through to you.”

  
“I’m sorry. I left you trapped all alone in this place thinking you were crazy. I lost you and when I found you, I didn't even know you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” Robin sobbed as she pulled Alice into a hug.

Alice stroked Robin's back trying to calm her down. "Shh, it's okay now. You might think you didn't know me but deep down you did. That's what kept you coming back. No matter the time or the place or the curse or the spell, we'll always know each other, even when we don't."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and comment and leave kudos. I will be answering any comments I have already and get after this. Please if you can leave feeback, good or bad. Even if it's just pulling out a line and saying "That, I loved that" or "I really hated that." It helps me to improve my writing and the good ones I got really made me want to post this next part and warmed my heart to know people were actually enjoying my writing and that motivates me to write more. So thanks again!!

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments would be greatly appreciated!! Which parts did you like? Which didn't you like? Anything and everything helps me as I try to make my writing better. This was pretty fun to write so I hope you all have fun reading it. Part 2 should be up next week.


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